Recap and disappointment

  I'm rather disappointed in myself.  It's been more than a month since I last posted.  I had started this blog as a way of accountability for myself, even going so far as to deny myself certain favorite websites unless I posted in a timely manner.  But, I haven't been.
  The book "Willpower Instinct" continues to be interesting.  This past week's challenges were to exercise and to breathe more slowly.  I've been exercising faithfully, but the breathing slowly has happened more off-and-on.  The diet continues to be interesting as well.  Since I love salsa, which contains 2 of the foods recommended, it's been pretty easy to have at least 1 serving per day of the healing foods.  I also enjoy oatmeal in the morning most mornings, so I get a second helping that way.  I continue my hunt for more recipes, but I also continue my lack of cooking.
  Tasks for this upcoming week:  read the week 3 chapter of "Willpower Instinct", strive for at least 3 servings of healing foods per day, and continue my exercise pattern.

Creating a new eating plan - the foods

  It’s August 6, and I should be 2 days into step 4 – the 10 week course from “The Willpower Instinct”.  Instead, I’m pretty much back on step 2 – creating a new eating plan.  I intend to borrow the book from the library tomorrow and starting up step 4 anyway, but for now, let’s take a look at step 2.

  Creating a new eating plan was about 2 things – reducing depression and increasing foods that fight cancer.  In my research, I found lists of foods and activities that do one or the other.  I have found only a handful that do both.

1.  Bell peppers

2.  Blueberries

3.  Broccoli

4.  Carrots (cooked)

5.  Dark green leafy vegetables

6.  Flax seeds

7.  Pink grapefruit

8.  Spinach (raw or lightly cooked)

9.  Tomatoes (cooked or processed)

10.  Strawberries

11. Whole grains

  Of those, there are 3 I don’t particularly care for – 2, 6, and 7.  That still leaves me with 8 different foods and food types that I can add to my current diet plan to improve my health.

  What to do next?  There are a few things I could do:

1. Go on a hunt for recipes that include these things.

2. Search my current recipes for ways I can incorporate these foods into them.

3. Choose one of the foods and spend a week on figuring out ways I like to eat it.

Any of these would work.

  Off the top of my head, the three main ways I can see of doing this easily are soups, salads, and stir frys.  The problem is I’ve tried to do such things in the past, and the results weren’t always tasty.  Recipes are a good way to take care of that. 

  Obstacles?  First, I don’t care much for cooking, so whatever I do will have to be really easy.  Otherwise, I won’t keep doing it.  Second, my husband doesn’t care for most of these, so whatever I do will have to either be side dishes for our joint meals or separate meals.

  The next step in creating my meal plan is finding easy recipes for small meals or side dishes that include at least one if not more of these foods.

Differences between today's journey and yesterday's

   How is this journey different from my previous pattern?  Now that I have finished and analyzed the previous system, what am I going to do differently this time to make it work?

   For one, I’m doing one thing at a time.  Which is incredibly difficult for me.  I have a hard time delaying my gratification (as mentioned earlier), and I want it all fixed now.  I also sometimes have a hard time choosing which one is the “right” thing to be working on right now.  They’re all “right”, and how can I ignore the other problems?  In a different way than I have been ignoring them in the past – by concentrating on one thing at a time rather than on nothing.

   Even with this, I’m still doing multiple things.  I have really added 3 things to my life recently – this journey, volunteering, and a cleaning plan.  I’ve also recently checked out a social group I haven’t been to before and started a crafting project for a Yule gift.  And I have plenty of excuses and reasons why “this isn’t like before” and all that.  Rather than just give them to you, let’s analyze.

   Let’s start with the last one – the new crafting project.  I go through cycles.  I craft for a bunch of months then set it all aside for a couple of years.  I am currently in a crafting section of the cycle.  I have recently completed two other projects.  The crafting cycle got started when I grew tired of just watching TV and bored with the puzzle books I had been doing for a couple of months since getting them for Christmas.  This new crafting project is a replacement of the old crafting projects which were replacements for the puzzle books.  In addition, this crafting project has a deadline (Yule) and an emotional investment in it.  If I do not complete it, I will not be able to give it to my husband.  My husband knows I’m making something, has seen me working on it, and knows that it’s going to involve at least one of the colors of his favorite football team.  If I do not complete this, I will be disappointing myself and him.  As I have been doing it, I find that it’s not as difficult as I feared, and that Yule will be a decent if not easy time goal.  To analyze – I have made some free time in my life and put the crafting project in it, I have chosen something that is both a little challenging and achievable, and I have an emotional investment in completing it.  Better than some of the projects I start.

   On to the new social group.  It meets once a month.  It fulfills a need I have thought over and described to others in the past couple of years.  The chosen night is one that typically I have nothing going on.  Now, there are times when I feel like I’m doing too much, when I want more down time, when I want to just go home, curl up in the chair, and read a good book without having to worry about laundry or guests or chores or getting somewhere on time.  I acknowledge this, and I know that committing to something social that happens more often than once a month would be an imposition, as would committing to multiple somethings that happen once a month.  To analyze – I have some free time in my life, some of which I am willing to give up in order to fulfill a several-year-long desire.

   The cleaning plan is this – clean 15 minutes each day, upstairs for week A, downstairs for week B, in a 2-week rotating pattern.  As I have mentioned earlier in the blog, I ended up with a dirty home, which drives me nuts.  This plan is small enough for me to do but also accomplishes things that need to be done.  In addition, I have an out.  If I don’t want to or can’t or whatever, then I don’t have to, but I have to pay $5 to the kitty.  This kitty will be used for pseudo fun things, like the hotel on a trip.  Yes, the trip is fun, and the hotel is essential for it, but I’d rather have the extra $5 to buy cool stuff rather than be practical about it.  To analyze – it’s small, consistent, helpful, and optional to a degree.

   Volunteering is again something I have been talking about for a long time and which seems to get thwarted every time I try something.  Even now, I reached out to two different agencies whose services I use often.  Both of them had times for me to assist – at the same time as the other agency.  Both have other things I could do – but each person in charge of those things is on vacation.  I have accepted the times for one of the agency and have left my name and number with the other for one-time things that don’t require me to miss work to do.  To analyze – it fulfills a highly-held value of mine, and it gets me out of my house and my comfort zone, which is part of the point of this journey – to adjust my life.  Even if this does not work out in the end, it is something that I will preferred to have tried and ended than never to have done.

   5 things at a time, instead of 1, like I was planning.  But it’s a far cry from the 12 things at a time in my previous system, which was cut down quite a bit from my 30ish every day system I had going at one point.  It is not perfect, but it is progress.

The use of structure

   It’s been 15 days since my last post, a far cry from the 3-4 times a week I had been planning to post.  But, since I can’t go in the past and fix it, I’ll do what I can now.

   The first 3 weeks were dedicated to cleaning up my previous attempts at controlling, measuring, and encouraging productivity in a dozen specific areas.  Part of me recognizes the “controlling” aspect and the negative connotations of that.  Having a “free spirit” sort of life appeals to me greatly – being able to do what I want when I want, to focus my energy where I want, but I’ve tried that.  I ended up 30 pounds heavier with a dirty house and almost no creative output.  I am a person who needs more structure than 0.

   How much more?  I’ve swung the pendulum the other way.  I used Mary Hunt’s system to control, measure, rate, and manipulate my finances.  I was a flybaby of a variety of flavors (main, local, and pagan).  I used both at the same time.  Granted, at the time, my personal life was spinning out of control, and my need to be able to control, dominate, determine, and rely on something was amazingly high.  Understandably, I burned out eventually, though not nearly as soon as one might think.

    The previous system used rewards, but it required more than I was willing to give, typically.  I was about to put in a comment about how I was raised and its influence on my current behavior.  But I am an adult.  I have been a legal chronological adult for as many years as the current legal drinking age.  Using my childhood as an excuse no longer works, not for me at least.

    Back to the previous system.  Everything I requested of me is a valid and worthy thing, none of which I was doing.  And I asked myself to do all of them at the same time.  Which, in hindsight, is ridiculous, but typical of me.  I go through cycles where I decide that I want to make changes, and I want all the changes right away.  (Delayed gratification is something I’m working on.)  So I try to make all the changes, I become overwhelmed, and I drop things – if I had even picked them up in the first place.  I’ve done this repeatedly, and each time I thought I was doing it “right”, “better” than the previous times.  Better, yes, most of the times.  Right?  Not usually.  This previous system is typical of this pattern.

   What few I did complete, I will still give myself the rewards.  The rest I drop and leave in my past, lesson learned.

Steps 4 through 6

   Step 4 is a course in The Willpower Instinct.  It’s a course recommended by a friend for increasing one’s willpower.  I need that.  As I’ve mentioned before, I have occasional trouble with follow through.  Not always.  I have a roleplaying game that’s been going on for 4 ½ years.  Several goals I’ve had in my life I’ve made (graduated college, bought a house, taught myself how to knit and crochet, etc.).  But, not all of them, and it seems like lately not as many of them.  It could be part of the depressive mood I am in or perhaps my health isn’t what it once was and is draining some energy out of me.  Either way, I am in need of more willpower. 

   It gets into this first journey because willpower will help me with other, future goals.  It goes before The Artist’s Way, because I’ve tried The Artist’s Way before, and I didn’t finish it.  I intend to finish it this time, and having more willpower will help with that.

   Step 5 is The Artist’s Way, for a variety of reasons.  First, I believe myself to be a writer primarily and a creator in other mediums as well.  When you ask me who or what I am, I generally say I am a writer, whether I’ve written a word or not in the last hundred days.  I am also a role-player, a step-mother, a wife, a daughter, and many, many other things.  Typically, though, I say that I am a writer, and I wish to be true to myself. 

   Second, as I said above, it’s something I’ve tried before and didn’t finish.  I want to clear up those “if only” things in my life that I haven’t been able to simply drop from my conscious thinking.  It’ll free up some of my subconscious energy for present life.  Also, as something I’ve tried before and didn’t make work, it’s a great test for my current level of follow through.

   Third, I have a feeling that I have a fount of fabulousness waiting to be set free by my creative endeavors, and they haven’t been let loose yet.  Time to do that.

   Step 6 is evaluation.  How did it go?  What worked?  What didn’t?  What can I do better next time?  What would make good choices for next time?  Should there even be a next time?

   That’s my plan for the next 30 weeks (week 1 already down).  I’m going to post weekly updates on how the past week has gone as well as how things are working out.  Comments and questions are always welcome.

One week report

   One week in, and very little to report.  My procrastination is still in full force.  I got 2 of the 168 items done this past week.  I have plenty of excuses, but really only 1 reason - procrastination.  This week will be better.  More later.

   The second step on my journey is to create a new eating plan.  2 weeks will take me through most of my typical plans.  Most of the things in my life happen within any random 2 week period of time.  Work, plans with family, plans with friends, and so on.  2 weeks will also give me time to do a little research and try out some recipes, despite the too-many evenings I’m not home.

   The question remains – why create a new eating plan?  First and foremost, because both my husband and my doctor suggest that I may be depressed.  There are many treatments and suggestions for depression (depending on the severity).  The at-home with no-professionals treatments include exercise, sunlight, and a change in eating habits.  Since part of the reason for going through this 31 week journey is to improve my depression so I do not need to go to therapy, treating it is one of my main concerns. 

   Secondly, I am currently fatter than I have ever been in my life, and I’m sick of it.  My husband thinks I look amazing and very sexy, and I am willing to be persuaded of such.  But I’m tired more often than I like, and I’m not as flexible as I would like to be, and sitting in certain positions isn’t as comfortable as I’d like.  So, sexy though I am, I’m going to lose some weight in order to improve my energy, flexibility, and comfort levels.

   Third, my endocrinologist found a second thyroid nodule on the cusp of being something they want to “do something about” (probably biopsy, although medication is also on the table).  There might be a 5% chance of cancer.  I’ve had cancer, though of a different body part.  I have a family history of unusual health issues, including multiple types of cancer on both sides.  Cancer is a word that perks up my ears and makes my heart race.  I was blindsided the last time I had cancer (2.5 months from “I’m fine” to getting major surgery), so I know how fast these sorts of things can go.  5% is also the approximate chance of my previous cancer returning, but for some reason, this 5% is scarier.  My follow up appointment is in 5.5 months.  Pretty much the only thing I can do between now and then that might have a chance of affecting anything is eating a diet rich in foods reported to be good at fighting cancer. 

   So, let’s kill three birds with one stone. 

   I’ve already done some research.  Those of you who are concerned about my getting a reliable source, I used webmd primarily.  If you have a better source to which I can have access, please let me know.

   I have a list of foods that are good at fighting depression and of foods that are good at preventing or fighting cancer.  There are stars next to foods that are good at both.  Not surprisingly, most of these foods are also ones that are listed for general healthy eating (by many sources).  I figure that I find recipes that are heavy on the starred foods and include plenty of the others as well.  This will probably be a radical change for me.  I have slipped into eating a lot of take-out and meat-heavy or pre-packaged meals.  Changing to an eating plan with lots of fresh fruit, vegetables, and legumes will take some time.  Hence the 2 weeks to try things out and also the 3 weeks after that to put the habit into place.  It is said it takes 21 days to make or break a habit – hence the 3 weeks.

   One of my hopes is that my eating better will improve my energy and help me take care of items 4 and 5.